Causes and Solutions For Conflict in Marriages
Marital conflict is disagreement between couples, in-laws etc but not just a difference of opinion but rather, it is a chain or series of events that have been poorly handled so as to deeply damage the marriage relationship. Marriage issues have aggravated to the point that stubbornness, pride, anger, hurt and bitterness prevent effective marriage communication and others. Most of these disagreements happen due to disconnection from God and incompatibility which I spoke about sometime ago, but disagreements are sure to happen in a marriage, they do not have to lead to hurtful arguments.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF CONFLICTS IN MARRIAGES?
1. Disconnection from God on both sides (Genesis 3:17)
2. Lack of proper counseling before marriage
3. Incompatibility before marriage
4. Influence of bad friends
There is no perfect marriage on earth because two people coming from different background, which have different ideology and characters, surely challenges will not be absent. One of the most common misconceptions in marriages today is that fighting is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. But is it? Is a healthy marriage really one completely absent of conflict?
As a young minister, a marriage counselor and married man since four years ago, we don't claim to have a perfect relationship. We fight just like every other couple on the planet. But we've learned a secret: There is a difference between a bad fight and a good fight. And when a couple learns to fight a good fight, the conflict actually brings them closer.
It helps one to know our dislikes and likes. All couples generally fight over the same seven things:
6. Unhealthy life style
7. Power exchange (who should rule the house)
Most argue about these seven issues over and over again because these are all stressors that speak to our sense of love and fairness. But you can learn to fight about them in a healthy way.
Here are some strategies to help us cool down these seven factors:
Money: A good Christian must know how to manage money because whatever we have is from God and we shall surely render an account to God. To minimize a currency conflict, trace it back to the fear that’s fueling it. Instead of fighting over the amount of money that was spent on who-knows-what, shift the focus toward what really matters, eliminating fear: 1
. Your fear of not having influence in important issues impacting your life
2. Your fear of not having security in your future
3. Your fear of having no respect shown for your values,
4. Your fear of not realizing your dreams.
Sex: To keep sexual grievances down and the marital bedsprings bouncing, let us do our best to resolve the following utterances:
1. Too tired to have sex
2. Not in the mood
3. I am fasting (40 days and over)
4. You have offended me
When we delete such utterances in our marriages, it helps to solve problem of not having sex for so long. Let us avoid using the above code to stop our partner for having sex with us.
Have time for your partner and let him or her enjoy good communication. Set a day aside for proper communication despite our work routine. Children Need to have one mind to bring up the children, a father’s words to the children should be the same as mother’s words to the children or else there would not be teamwork. Learn how to iron your differences behind crossed doors.
Pointing fingers at each other is a bad habit, which one must refrain from. Let your partner know you need help. Don’t allow your partner to tell you before you help in house chores. You can share the household chores amongst the two of you (i.e. help both the children and I will be doing the cooking). Negotiate this together. Unhealthy life style Cleanness is next to godliness therefore we must learn how to keep our environment clean and be modest in dressing Power exchange (who should rule the house).
We need to avoid this and allow God’s word to rule us. Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences. So far as one has these keys in his or her marriage, marital conflict is half solved. Resolving conflict requires defeating selfishness. Having this mindset in marriage, no single person gain or lost, both can either gain or loss. One needs to throw selfishness away to think about the wellbeing of the family.
God bless you!