Managing In-Laws for a Happy Marital Life
When You Marry Your Spouse, You Marry the Whole Family in some ways. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 Separation does not means divorce neither disconnection from your parents. Rather it means to start new life with your spouse and learn how to be independent in life. Hence being a spouse in a new family means always needing to be “on,” and not getting as much of a chance to just relax in your new family and not paying attention to the extended family when the need arises.
Once you get hitched to your husband or wife, for better or worse, you are also taking on the relations of his or her parents/ step parents/ brothers/ sisters. Unlike your own natural family, with whom you’ve probably learned techniques to help you deal, conflicts with the in-laws are more complicated. Many couples face problems with their in-laws because they don't want you to marry the woman or the man either. This is very complicated for both couples. It is not advisable to go in for marriage which both families are not agreeing too. If one try it then nothing you can do to satisfy in-laws. If you are in such situation then:
3. Endurance to sustain you in such marriage
Some married ladies too, hate to see anyone from her husband side to visit them and act like selfish person and can only tolerate members from her family. Do you think a woman (in-laws) that sold all her cloths to educate her son to become whom he is by the grace of God, will just dump (not visit) her son for you just like that? You need to give them space to breathe in your marriage because both need each other. Most men tolerate their in-laws than the ladies but the stingy men hate visits from in-laws. Let us balance our lives to welcome them well.
Those are pretty over the top examples, but we constantly see portrayals of married couples being undermined, criticized and annoyed by their in-laws. In today’s world, where families are more likely to be separated across the world, such behavior may be refused. The challenge lies during vacation period and in-laws refuse brothers and sisters to visit their brother or sister.
Let me state for the record that I have a great relationship with my in-laws because in all stages of life, we need our in-laws (during wedding, child bearing, death), yes we need each other. Is it because we married into perfect families? No, but, we realize that like it or not, they are now related to us, and will continue to be part of our lives (just like our own parents.) It is important to empathize and know that all the members of our family are actually human. We can’t change them, but we can change the way we see and deal with them. What are your expectations?
Often, it is not easy to see what your expectations really are. Clearing your mind and seeing if you built unrealistic expectations is a crucial first step toward bridging your family relationships. Depending on your own rapport with your parents and grandparents, you may realize that you always wanted an in-law who carries your newborn baby all day, or an in-law who wants to spend the afternoon with you and have motherly chat. Stop fantasizing that your spouse’s family is going to change and be anything more than they are.
Take a real look at the people in your wedding album or Dowry payment day and let go of how you think things are “supposed” to go. Talk to your husband or wife about what your “family values”. Are you OK with visitors camping out on your living room floor for a week? Whatever you and your spouse feels is the limit, should be applied to all guests (including the in-laws) if one feel it will bring peace. Both are together till death do both part but relatives will soon leave your house, therefore exercise patience.
Many in-laws give unsolicited advice about child bearing & rearing or home maintenance. What we all have to remember under these circumstances, is that this is just one person’s opinion. Agree to disagree and move on without feeling. I believe that we all meet people in the world to learn lessons from, and none more than our family members. They are part of your family tree now, and those roots go down deep, and the branches extend wide. Once we have children, those in-laws become grandparents, with relationships that eclipse our own possibly strained relationships.
No matter how dark the hour, remember that they raised the person you fell in love with, so they obviously did something right. Take your in-laws as your parents and never expose their bad behavior to your parents to create conflict among them.
God bless you!