Single life style is very enjoyable especially when it is built in God and His son Jesus Christ. Most of the things we do in our marriages, except marital sex have been learned during our youthful stage. Everything starts small and increases as we grow into maturity. Our characters have been built by our parents (fathers and especially mothers), brothers, sisters, guardians, schools, society etc. Hence if any of these family members are rude, you are likely to be rude. If your father is gentle, it is likely one will portray such gentility.
Character building is extra ordinary work which begins from day one someone is born into a family. It is more easily built during childhood than youthful stage but even harder in matrimonial home. If someone is not properly trained before marriage, training such person in his or her matrimonial home, will be difficult or worse to handle.
The question I ask myself every day, “Who trains whom in marriage” since both are matured and we believed we know? Learning becomes very difficult when we lack basic training. Its takes the grace for such marriage to be of standard to the society.
Which areas we must be trained before thinking of Marriage?
1. Developing Christian Life style Make God, first, last and best in everything we do helps us to be rooted in Christianity at our youthful stage. Youths that put God at the center of their life are happier than those that don’t. They focus on God for the source of their happiness rather than their friends. How can we build our life in Christ or God?
a. Faithfulness to God leads us to be faithful to our spouse no matter what
b. Practicing self-control during our early stage helps us to control ourselves in our marriages
c. Living at peace with others (church family members) in our youthful stage will impart our life to the extent that it will affect our future marriages to live peacefully with our spouse
d. A prayer life style will build our relationship with God and have the intent to bring good partners into our lives
e. Being addicted to Bible meditation and seeking to be filled by the spirit of God
f. Regular attendance at Church encourages us to be regular at work and become time conscious in our marriages
g. Politeness (respecting our spiritual fathers and mothers)
h. Learn how to keep a Christian friend for long time and reach a stage where you can boldly say “my childhood friend”.
2) Discover, focus and build positive characteristics or quality behaviors instead of imperfect characteristics. We can build our character by befriending people whose behaviors are welcoming in the society or who are well cultured and can impact our life positively. For instead, moving with a godly person, you will surely become godly and our choice of words will be salty.
Think of your mood as an elevator with high moods and low moods. Focusing on the negative qualities of a person takes the elevator down to the basement of low moods. Depression, irritation, anger, stress, and fear, insulting, rudeness, improper dressing, fighting are low moods or bad characteristics which should not be emulated. Curiosity about a person brings the mood elevator up to the ground floor.
Be curious about your friend's positive qualities, focus on them when you find them and you will have more of the high moods like gratitude, faith, hope, joy and happiness.
Good character building needs three keys:
1. Able to detect good and bad behavior (Spirit of discernment) in the home, society, school etc. help us to choose and practice the best of all
2. Able to humble ourselves to be built up by our leaders and also to accept correction from godly sources
3. Moving with the right people in life. When we miss proper training in our youthful stage, then the only thing we can hold to is faith and expecting the grace of God to carry us through our marriages.
A good person's character starts from a good home before marriage. Don’t forget about the adage, “charity begins at home”. Let us learn good things while we are young before it is too late. Once we are matured before basic education, hardly will we behave well in our marriages.
God bless you!